Bad At Love
by Queeny9
Summary: One undercover mission takes a dangerous turn. Dangerous for a beautiful kunoichi, with impending danger in the form of a blue-skinned beast of a man. Kisame x Ino. RATED M.


Ino's heart drops when menacing black robes, accented by plumes of rich red clouds, billow in through the doorway.

She's been bartending whilst undercover at the Lazy Bone Pub for almost three weeks now, maintaining a specific target in mind; however, the patrons only consisted of grimy civilian men and prostitutes. Not the nationwide crime lord she'd been assigned to bring down single-handedly. And she sure has hell hadn't noticed any members of the Akatsuki waltzing through like they owned the place.

Tonight was going to be filled with surprises for her, apparently.

The first thing that made her swallow thickly was that wickedly symbolic cloak. Then, she became aware of every other detail about him, from the fact that he was insanely taller than her diminutive height of five foot three, to the fact that his face was all crisp, sharpened angles and feral eyes and abominable markings. As he ventured deeper into the pub's dimly lit atmosphere, his skin seemed to glow its remarkable greyish-blue hue against the soft vanilla lamps swinging from the ceiling and perched at the center of various dinner tables.

Ino knows that he's coming straight toward the bar and stands a little straighter, attempting to will her heart to stop beating so furiously. He was only a S-rank missing-nin. Only a member of the Akatsuki. Only in cahoots with those bastards who killed her sensei about five years ago.

And they still managed to walk away freely. No matter how many groups of strong ninja Shikamaru had been placed in charge of leading, Hidan and Kakuzu were too elusive, skilled, and intelligent to be taken down by the likes of Ino and her friends. She'd trained her fucking ass off just to earn the right of maybe going after the Akatsuki one day; but her progress had been slow, and any trail guiding them toward Hidan and Kakuzu had run completely cold.

This was her chance to finally do something about that, and yet, she only stood there gawking at him. At Kisame Hoshigaki.

He didn't seem to notice or particularly care, as he began unbuckling the strap of his sword from around his torso, propping the massive weapon beside him and against the counter. He took a seat on a bar stool about as casually as any other customer, bringing his beefy arms out of his cloak and folding them on the counter top. His eyes - white, round, and oddly fishlike - surveyed the stacks of alcohol bottles behind her, before finally raking over her frame in such an overtly licentious manner. Kisame displayed not an ounce of discretion when it came to checking out her body. Her pert breasts that were tucked underneath a thin, white crop top. Her tight, flattened tummy. The silky thighs that disappeared into a pair of black short-shorts.

Attracting him like this was either a blessing or a curse.

"Hey," Kisame grunted, "You gonna just stand there looking stupid as fuck all night, or are ya gonna actually do your job and ask me what I'm havin' to drink?"

Ino blinked hard. Most of the guys, and even some of the women, were friendly enough to at least not cuss at or talk down to her like she was some sleazy servant girl. Even if her cover was exactly that of a sleazy servant girl. Her slender jaw clenched. Would it entirely ruin her cover to fire back at this asshole?

"Like I give a damn about what you want to drink," Whoops. That was definitely a little too 'Ino' and not enough 'Marri' - the cover name she'd been using. But, the satisfaction humming straight down to her bones told her that it'd been worth it, just to see the look of shock and disgust on Kisame's fish face.

In truth, she needed a moment to process the missing-nin's sudden appearance, and what this could mean to her. And the robust pulsating of his chakra overflowing all around the bar wasn't assisting her in the quick solution making.

"I don't serve assholes. But feel free to ask him for some service," Realizing she should probably just take an early break to figure out a private plan of some sort, she gestured at one of her fellow male bartenders. Such a response only caused Kisame's frown of displeasure to darken and deepen. She pretended not to notice, carried on wiping off the counter with a rag, then turned away to rush off to take her break.

Kisame's broad, heavily calloused palm around her wrist put a stop to all of that.

In a singular yank, full of effortless aggression, he'd successfully turned Ino back to him and even had her bridging across the counter top. To stay balanced and not end up head-butting Kisame, she propped against the very tips of her toes in her pair of strappy heels, and held her breath. Up close, she could feel his warm pants fan across her face, and the heat of his gaze attempt to intimidatingly glare some obedience into her. Not to mention, his chakra was absolutely overwhelming to her senses, and she wished she could push some of her own chakra back at him to show that she wouldn't be made to look scared. She had to continue suppressing her chakra, though, to maintain this civilian cover.

"My my, you're a stuck up little bitch, aren'tcha?" Kisame smirked.

Passionate hate burned in her heart at that moment.

"I'm only a bitch to men who don't deserve any of my respect," Ino spat.

"Fuck your respect. I just want my drink. And I want it served by a hot blonde with sexy legs."

"Should've thought about that before you called me 'stupid' and 'bitch'."

Once she'd twisted her arm free, Ino bolted out of there and went to hide in the employee's only ladies bathroom. It was in there that she realized how anxious Kisame's presence made her, causing her to splash her face several times with cold water, smearing her makeup. She couldn't breathe. She could hardly even think. This was her one chance to get closer to an Akatsuki member, and she was blowing it because she had a temper and despised men who looked like fucking freaks and she missed Asuma so much and just wanted to break down into tears over it.

That hot moisture prickling behind her baby blues reminded her that no matter how much she trained, or no matter how many missions she completed, she'd still feel more than was acceptable for any kunoichi. She knew that she needed to be tougher than this, for Asuma sensei.

After fixing up her makeup and regaining her bearings, she stepped out of ladies room. Breaks were only fifteen minutes at the most and she couldn't risk the boss thinking she liked to slack, because she still had a purpose here, and getting fired wasn't part of her mission.

She sensed that sweltering storm of chakra coming at her from behind, and her mind swiftly raced with all of the possibilities on how to defend herself without revealing her kunoichi training. She never went out without a weapon, and her taijutsu had improved significantly over the years; but she needed to be this docile little thing, and it fucking frustrated her.

Nonetheless, she let Kisame whirl her around and slam her against the wall at the back of the tavern, where they were carefully concealed by the many shadows in a narrow hallway. She couldn't really fight back in the way that she truly wanted, however, she could outright refuse to show fear.

"Can I _help_ you?" she snapped, head cocked back so that she could glare up, _way_ up at him.

A fist with dark-purple coated nails immediately wrapped around her neck.

 _No fear, no fear,_ she chanted inside of her thoughts. As such, the blues of her eyes only burned brighter, and the muscles in her lithe frame tightened harder.

She found it strange that he hadn't exerted any serious pressure around her throat, yet. No, he appeared to be just keeping his hand there, hotly pressed to her flesh. There was a silent threat there.

"I want my drink," demanded the missing-nin, grinning from ear to ear with every sharp, pointed tooth on display, "And I want you to give it to me."

"Nope," she replied simply.

Kisame's cocky grin fell, "You really are a bi-"

"Call me bitch again, and I'm getting my big ninja boyfriend to come kick your ass," she threatened. Meanwhile, both of her petite palms grabbed around his wrist and attempted at untwisting his hold on her again. But, he was as strong as she expected him to be, this time not letting up his heavy grasp.

"Ohhh. So the hot bartender girl has a ninja boyfriend, huh? Is that supposed to send me running off?"

She didn't know if anything could intimidate this crazy asshole, but it'd been worth a shot just trying.

"Let _go_ of me," she said, her tone almost pleading as her fingernails now dug into Kisame's muscular forearm. All he did was flex against her minor assault on his light cerulean flesh.

"Is that _desperation_ I hear?"

"You're being an asshole!"

"You're being a bi- difficult person."

Her heart skipped a beat when his fist squeezed, and then relaxed around her throat almost as swiftly as it'd just tried to choke her. Her bated breaths danced rapidly along his forearm, and she never stopped peering up at him. He saw fire and unwavering strength in her eyes, and all she saw was an animal in return.

"If ... if you want me to make you a drink, you have to apologize for being a dick, first of all," she demanded.

Kisame threw his head back as he burst into laughter, "Hilarious, blondie, but do I look like I listen to what little girls have to say?"

"You _will_ if you want that drink," Ino didn't falter, "Apologize."

Kisame turned as equally serious, heatedly gazing back down at her, "Do you _know_ who I am?"

"I do. And I don't care."

* * *

How the fuck did she get Kisame Hoshigaki to apologize to _her_?

It definitely hadn't been anything impressive, with him muttering a quiet "fine, I apologize" and moving back over to the bar expectantly, but Ino was convinced that, after seeing that, all Akatsuki members were just fucking weirdoes. She set the liquor of his choosing out in front of him, and busied herself with all of the other men who wanted her attention and company. None of that settled well with Kisame, whose gaze prodded at her the entire time she was away. She needed him to get drunk so that she could start asking him questions, and eventually, made her way back over to his lonely section at the bar.

As she refilled his drink, he had some questions of his own to ask.

"Hey, blondie-"

"It's Marri," she lied confidently.

"Whatever. You know, you don't look like the type of girl who'd work in a shithole like this. So, what's the deal? You in debt, or somethin'?"

Maybe she was lucky that he'd started to pry, because she'd only be giving him a false backstory in return, and it opened up the possibilities of what he might share with her. Drunk, idiotic, and even violent men carried their secrets close to their chests; but it was in this _shithole_ that they were welcomed to be themselves. The whores never told their secrets because they could be paid for their silence. Now, Ino just had to hope that Kisame would be just as sloppy as all these other clowns were.

"Not at all, I'm just a working girl," Ino said with a shrug, leaning against the counter and directly across from Kisame. "I have bills to pay."

"Then your boyfriend must be a pathetic excuse for a ninja, if he can't support his own woman," Kisame snickering, tilting his head back to drain his glass in a few man-sized gulps. When it was emptied, he slammed the glass down for another refill, giving her that feral grin that made her shiver out of disgust. " _I'd_ never have _my_ woman working in a shithole like this one."

"First you'd have to get a woman," Ino muttered under her breath, reaching for the bottle of dark liquor Kisame preferred.

That light comment made the blue-skinned beast pause, "Doubting my woman-pleasing capabilities, are ya?"

"You called me 'stupid as fuck' the moment you sat down here. You're the last man ... fish ... whatever you are, to be actual boyfriend material," Ino refilled his drink, and then continued leaning in for more one-on-one conversation. "Wait, I take that back. I know plenty of women out there who don't mind dating assholes. But, you? Can't imagine you in any real, _healthy_ relationship."

"Because you were staring at me like you were stupid, the fuck was I supposed to say?" Kisame snapped, "And you're boring me with all your mushy talk."

"Fine. Why don't you tell me about your last relationship?"

This was just to ease into some long-term questioning, however, a part of Ino also found herself rather curious.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Stop being a stubborn jackass and tell me."

His lips actually twitched at the demand, and was that a bit of a smile there? It occurred to her that made Kisame held a certain amount of respect for bitchy women, or at least, women who could stand up for themselves. Perhaps that was why he still bothered to entertain her with conversation, or stared at her intensely whenever she stepped away to cater to another male customer.

"The last woman I had _relations_ with, was a crazy bitch from the Hidden Waterfall. She got clingy and started to annoy me, but the sex was fun."

"Sounds like you need better standards," Ino snorted.

"What, like pretty, blonde, and curvy, maybe?" Kisame raised a brow.

"I was talking about _personality wise_."

Kisame smirked, and then remembered his drink was just sitting there. Blue fingers curled around the glass, and he downed it in another series of large gulps. Ino was there with bottle in hand, swift to fill his glass up again as he talked. "Personality - the fuck is that? I look for the important shit. Like big breasts, sexy lips. Those sorta things."

"It's okay, Mister. I used to be a shallow idiot just like you, once upon a time."

"Call me Kisame."

"Okay, Kisame," Ino sighed, propping both of her elbows against the counter top. She stared hard at Kisame, wanting him to think that he had her undivided attention because he was interesting, and not because she was setting him up for more serious questions. "You're obviously not the type of man to settle down, so... is your life only about traveling around, doing shadey missing-nin shit, and fucking as many hot girls as you can?"

"Why? Wanna find out how experienced I really am when it comes to fucking?"

"Oh, please," she scoffed, "I get hit with that line damn near every night. It's not impressive, and your dick probably isn't, either."

Much to her amazement, he didn't get pissy and try to wrap his hand around her neck again. A low chuckle resonated throughout his chest, that quickly turned into full-blown howling laughter. He drank some more after that laughing spell, and Ino merely wondered to herself how many more drinks it would take before he at least looked tipsy. He was a _huge_ man, so this was going to take a while.

* * *

Kisame wasn't stumbling drunk off his ass until about three o'clock in the morning, after Ino had gathered very little information out of him. She inquired about the cloak, and then his history as a missing-nin; but Kisame didn't believe in babbling about Akatsuki or personal business. Nevertheless, an opportunity shone through when it was about closing time at the pub, and Ino insisted that she be the one to help Kisame leave. Slinging a thickly muscled arm around her neck, Ino utilized some chakra-infused strength to help her practically carry Kisame's lazy form through the back door. They entered a darkened alley way, where she dropped him to the ground and pushed him into a sitting up position against a wall.

If he wasn't going to spill his secrets by mouth, then she'd just have to take them for herself.

She was almost certain that her chakra wouldn't startle him into total awareness, and maybe he was too inebriated at this point to even be able to do something about it. She took her chances, for Asuma. Kneeling in front of Kisame, both of her palms reached out to grip the sides of his head, her eyes closing in the process. She focused her chakra, let it spiral to life at her core, before seeping out of her touch and into Kisame's mind.

She was only allowed a flicker of what it was like to be inside of an Akatsuki member's head, before Kisame's lethal gaze sprung open. She felt him resist her chakra and start to move under her touch, drawing a startled gasp from her petal pink lips. Her eyes opened widely, and now they were staring at each other. Damn, not even bottles and bottles of alcohol could incapacitate him?

"I see," a dark, deadly growl made its way up Kisame's throat, " _Kunoichi_."

A lie swiftly rose to her lips, "I'm not-"

He pounced, her head hit the ground, and then everything was black.


End file.
